As you two are already experts in your field, perhaps you can talk me down from the cliff I find myself on right now...
I begun to actively explore the theoretical concepts of my thesis and in this exploration I have found that there are many out there who say what I want to say much more artfully than I ever could. I find the work engaging and stimulating. I have that pleasant buzz in my brain that makes me feel alive with exploration but when I think about using the applications to my work, suddenly panic sets in...Aren't I just saying what's already been said?
Perhaps that isn't even what I mean. I do feel as though I am approaching it with difference, even if only subtly, but I have that uncomfortable feeling that I'll never quite be able to capture the real complexities that are muddling my brain. I think I'm on to something...I think it might be important...but I'm not sure that I'm up to the challenge.
This is not a pity party. I know that I am fully capable of understanding the material. I feel like I am digging in and teasing out the nuances, but I want this thesis to be good...not just (good) but good. I feel that I owe it to myself to really make this experience about pushing myself into uncharted territories. I owe it to myself to produce a work that should I never write something like this again, I can look at and say I am proud of. That the work can stand on its own. Not just, "that's good enough to pass."
This isn't even about unrealistic expectations, I don't think. I just want some "tips(?)" on how to get over writer envy perhaps. How do you find that place within yourself where you know that you are allowed into the conversation and that what you have to say is worthy of being heard? How do you get past self-doubt, push beyond the fuzziness and find that place of fire in a work like this? How did you guys do it? I can use all the help I can get.
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For me, getting started was the hardest part. I kept reading, trying to figure out what I could possibly contribute, and then started finding moments when I disagreed with the "experts" (especially Janice Radway). Once I began to formulate those moments of contention, I realized that I had something to say, and I had the perfect audience: a skeptic. To me, KD represented all of those academics who called romance novels "trash" and assumed that the women who read them were either lonely old maids or housewives with their hair in curlers. Fortunately for me, most of the academics--to varying degrees--had that attitude, and I knew that they were wrong...because I was a romance reader, and I wasn't desperate, oppressed, or bored. So my journey became a search: why did women really read romance novels? Once I came up with a plausible theory--which was very much trial and error, believe me--it became a labor of love.
My advice? Keep reading, and keep looking for those points of disagreement, those points of contention, and take lots and lots of notes. You're argument will start to take shape, and it will lead you from there.
Kacie has excellent advice! Look for a point of disagreement, or at least divergence or growth from an established idea. Or look at what they all seem to agree about, identify it, give it a snappy name, and then test it against other works.
Ask yourself why things diverge, why they agree.
Can you do it? Yes, you can! (A little Bob the Builder riff....)
Thanks for the great way of looking at this. I suppose that my "problem" is that I do agree with a lot of my sources. I haven't found moments where I outright disagree with any of them. My frustration though is that I'm not sure any of them are offering the "one" solution, even while I understand that there isn't one.
I find use in each of my sources but I am finding my interest is in how they can be blended together and applied to the literature. It seems though that unless you are disagreeing with sources and pointing out the flaws, then there isn't much room for discussion.
I'll work it out. Thanks for the "pep" talk. I am just feeling overwhelmed and I really think that my committee, while they offer a brilliant perspective, aren't going to offer me the guidance I need. None of them are known to be "hands on."
K, I never thought I'd be jealous of you working with KD but I'm finding that I would like more of that kind of feedback.
Thanks guys.
You can discuss and agree, right? I mean, look at the scintillating discussions we have on our blogs, and we all agree. We're probably more clever (cleverer? Oh, to be a native speaker of English!) (Oops, I am!) (Que sera!) (Hey, that's Italian!) than the writers you're studying. That must be the answer, oui? Si? C'est voudrais?
Look at that. I've lapsed into French. (And lapse is all I can do at the stage--good thing they don't come back twenty years after your degree and doublecheck you on that language requirement! Mine has, uh, lapsed...)
C*O*F*F*E*E
Must have C*O*F*F*E*E
Need caffeine.
Talk to Lisa. Tabula. When?
Janet,
I have a meeting after I teach to discuss my thesis (gag) but I can meet in the morning on Wednesday. After that I've got my kids all the rest of break (am I nuts?) So can you sometime between 9 and 11 on Wednesday?
That should be "meet sometime Wed." Forgive me. I'm tired and the carpal tunnel is kicking in and I haven't met my friend for my beloved coffee:)
I want to have coffee at Tabula, too... :(
I'll call you tonight, Lisa. We can set up a time to caffeinate.
WE MISS YOU, KACIE!!!
I broke my hand this morning and spent most of the day in the ER. Big bummer. :( Now I'm a one-handed typist.
OMG!!! I hope that you are alright!!! okay that was a stupid thing to say...how can you be okay when you have broken your hand???
Don't type at all!!! How in the world are you going to work? Honey, I think you need to get in touch with your horoscope and see which of your moons has left orbit much less out of alignment!!! Better yet, get your aura cleansed, have an exorcism, be "healed," fast, go to the Dali Lama (probably not a good idea right now)...you just can't seem to catch a break (no pun intended;)
I'll talk to you soon. Please take care of yourself.
Janet, I'll talk to you soon. Things are weird here. I'll email you in the morning.
Yep, I'm okay. I just have to keep my right hand in a splint for the next three weeks. I slipped on the steps and of course--I tried to catch myself--and ended up cracking and chipping my pinkie knuckle and spraining my wrist. My poor little hand is one big bruise, and moving my fingers well enough to type with that hand is impossible. At least I have an excuse to be slow with the grading now, right? ;) And my horoscope said yesterday, my luck was supposed to change! Does that mean that I was lucky before? AAACK! If THAT was lucky, I'm in biiiiig trouble. I'm still trying to figure out how this might have been a "fortunate" turn of events...
SNOW? SNOW? What on earth is that all about? SNOW?
Hope you're enjoying your break. The nice thing about teaching MWF is you get a week off now! WOOHOO!
We should coffee again soon.
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