I've been thinking a lot about time this week...mostly my lack of it. But it has struck me too, how everyone around me seems desperate for more of it.
Talking to K and hearing about her needing at least an extra day in the week to get through all her work...J you always seem to be in need of a few hundred hours here and there...and I am really starting to feel as though someone is shaking the hour glass, making the sands fall more quickly.
This was spring break: I had lofty plans for the week...finish all my grading, plan the rest of the semester, have handouts ready for printing on Monday that would take us to the end, make luscious dinners every night, clean the basement, go through my closets, and, keep my kids home at least one day and really enjoy them. Okay, I look at the list now and think I must've been drunk when composing it, but it was my list nonetheless...
So here's what got done...I kept Maisey home one day but didn't really enjoy her because I couldn't finish anything else on the stupid list:)
K, I've been privileged to spend some time with your boys this week. This too reminds me of time. Not only the obvious: I can't believe that the man fretting over his defunct engine is the same boy who watched my male toddler, played matchbox cars with him, and let him win occasionally at the very same fuseball table we now have parked in our basement. But also that your baby is now having a baby and my baby is turning into a man...and hence...PANIC!
I blinked and the week is over. I slept one night and England is gone (so sad) (oh and by the way, in that slumber I had another kid!) Where does it go and why can't I enjoy it more?
I am noticing a theme that seems to be recurring and it is this idea that we are never content. I have a job (that I occassionally enjoy) which is a true relief after this past summer's budget crisis. I had a week off from said job (which I should've enjoyed but instead spent the entire week spinning my wheels feeling guilty 'cuz I wasn't doing something else!) I have a husband whom I adore and kids who are reasonably fabulous...what is wrong with me? Why can't that be enough? It used to be. I used to find the balance. I used to be able to claw on to those things I really felt were important. Now I mostly feel conflicted.
So instead of writing, I have another list of things I should be doing (that I'm hoping to complete just as soon as I find the time)...
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You know what? My husband (who's been known to occasionally say something brilliant) suggested last night that my problem with time-management and stress is related to my "lists." Here's how the conversation went:
"There's just no way to get it all done! I didn't even make a dent in the list--"
"The list?"
"Yeah! The list of things I really had to get done today."
"Did you slack off today then? Lay around and watch TV? Read a good book?"
"%@!&#*, no! I worked my tail off, but the list for today--"
"You have a list for the DAY?!"
"Yes...(thinking, well, duuuh). I have to have a list, or I wouldn't remember everything."
"Sure. Obviously. But what if you made a list with the goal of checking off as many things as you could today? Instead of setting yourself up for failure and frustration by setting an unreachable goal and then not being able to meet it? That way, whatever you get checked off is a success, and the other stuff just gets moved til tomorrow. The list is really never-ending anyway, right?"
I'm thinking: Well, duuuh.
I think our issues with time are related to our perfectionism: I always want to feel caught up, on top of things, in control. If my job is rocking, my house is clean, my kids are cool, and my husband is happy, I must be AWESOME, right?
Wrong. If all of that is true, I'm probably exhausted, miserable, stressed out, and drained from working my tail off to attempt to accomplish the unachievable (i.e. make everyone happy).
It hit me, last night: It isn't possible to teach 8 classes in one semester and EVER be "caught up"! So why am I killing myself?
Same goes, girlfriend. Do what has to be done for Monday, and then break out Candyland and have a nice weekend. You'll be more effective next week if you're rested and revitalized than you would if you'd accomplished everything on your list and felt like a worn-out old dishrag...
Your first priority is to your family. As long as they have reasonably clean socks, unders with elastics that'll last through the day, and a pair of jeans and a tshirt that aren't funky, you're doing a good job.
Haha. I'm obsessive with the clean clothes thing so even writing that gave me the heebie-jeebies.
I live with lists. Nothing much ever gets crossed off them, but what the hey. *shrug* I do them more because nobody's giving me those few hundred hours I could use, and they instead of giving me hours, they keep stealing my HOROSCOPE STARS....
*little scream*
Take me to Candyland!
OOPS. I'm afraid I let my thought wander away, unsupervised, in my earlier post.
What I *meant* to say was that I do lists because I have the world's worst memory and if I didn't write things down, I'd never remember to do them.
Like finish my thoughts.
Item on list: FINISH THOUGHT.
Cross that sucker off. As soon as I find a pen, answer the phone, explain to the son that no, I haven't been to the store so we're still out of milk, feed the cat....
Eh--Tassy can afford to miss a meal (or three!). And give B a yogurt to cover his calcium requirement for the day. I'm working on mastering the concept of "short-cuts."
(Note to self: Add to the list: think of more short-cuts)
How's this for a comment on a student paper?
"Write better. Cite your sources like you're supposed to. Read the chapter. I liked your introduction. C+"
Whaddya think? ;)
AACK! See? I'm losing my mind. I confused JANET with LISA. I think it may be the Stroop effect at work.
(Hey, don't pick on me; I've read at least six "explaining a concept" papers today on the Stroop effect, so it's nice to have a context within which to use it!) :)
But same advice goes: Just switch "B" with "N" and although I haven't personally met your kitty, my understanding is that he could afford to miss a meal or two, as well, eh? ;)
What would I do without you two?
Now if I could just find a forum where I could share all of my new knowledge re: mitosis and photosynthesis.
:sigh:
I think I'm going to act like a hippie and burn my bra...wait a minute, I mean my list. My bra I like...
Like J I have a horrible memory and need the list but most of the time it feels like the smokes...I need it, I hate it, I cough more after I look at it, but I keep coming back for more. And both are wrapped in paper...(did I take the analogy too far there? I'm the novice writer here so forgive me or don't...at this point in a very long but productive day I'm lucky to form sentences)
BTW>>Reread the Yayas again for my thesis and you know what, I still don't like it though it is a bit like reality tv...I don't want to watch/read, but I can't help it. It's a sickness. However, lots of great stuff to work with and I thank Wells for writing such an intriguing story for me to dissect. YA YA!!!
The other important part of making a list that we've been overlooking is that it indicates that at some time, you actually had the thought in your mind to do whatever it was, and you thought it was important enough to write it down.
And there it stays, a nice visual reminder that once upon a time, you had your wits about you enough to write down something you wanted to remember.
Ah. If only we could make that translate to a GROCERY LIST that extends beyond: milk, bread, stuff for dinner, fruit, veggies, and twenty-five Butterfingers to hide in my underwear drawer. Then you get home and the family meets you at the door with, "MOM! You did get TP, didn't you?"
Uh, no. But here's a Butterfingers.
Sigh....
If you're really in a pinch, you can use the Butterfinger wrapper as TP
YUCK...
It's worse if you have to take the kids AND the list
You are too funny, Lisa!!
I know what you mean about taking the kids with you. I only do that when it's absolutely, positively, unchangeably the only way to get food inside the house.
If I take the chickadees with me, I end up spending four times what I would normally, and the oddest things get in the basket. I'm pretty sure I would not put, for instance, a bag of unshelled peanuts just because there's no way on this green earth that the SHELLS WOULD EVER GO INTO THE TRASH OH NO THEY WOULD GO ON THE FLOOR WHERE I'D STEP ON THEM IN MY BARE FEET IN THE MORNING BEFORE I HAD COFFEE AND THEN I'D HAVE TO VACUUM THEM UP AND THEY'D CLOG THE VACUUM CLEANER AND I'D HAVE TO REACH INSIDE THERE WITH MY *BARE* HANDS AND TOUCH STUFF I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!
Whew. I almost ranted there.
Yes, it's better for all of us if I go by myself.
And buy already shelled peanuts.
Much nicer, indeed. Better for my sanity.
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